New Ideas in Psychology

[ Souring the Mind ] [ Assimilation ] [ Role of Narcissism ]

Backlash ] [ Stages of Resolution ]

A long psycho-analysis generates resentment and bitterness repeatedly.

When these two emotions are generated by abreactions in feeling mode, then they often fade away of their own accord since the problems that generate them are usually transient ones. But when abreactions are in insight mode, then resentment and bitterness are much more difficult to handle : they are prolonged because the contents of the catharsis and the sorrow feature definite and long-standing problems which have now been brought into the open. [Feeling mode and insight mode are explained in the article Suggestion.]

Bringing a problem into the open means bringing the person's beliefs and values into the open. To resolve the problem, the person has to adjust his / her beliefs and values, and this adjustment will take time. And during this time the resentment and the bitterness remain ; the person just has to persevere till he / she assimilates them.

The abreactions of guilt and pride are assimilated when two particular attitudes arise, those of forgiveness and acceptance.

Forgiveness dissolves resentment.
Resentment ends when we learn to forgive other people for what they have done to us in the past, when we forgive life itself for all our sorrows, and when finally we learn to forgive ourselves. The religious person seeks forgiveness from god. This is not enough to solve our problems. God does not remove personal responsibility from us. Many of my problems have been created by myself ; therefore I have to learn to forgive myself. As an existentialist, I am my own devil, judge, and jury ; hence it is only fair that I should be the one to forgive myself.

Forgiveness of other people who have hurt us is not a sign of magnanimity ; forgiveness of others simply prevents their negative impact on us from continuing to influence our lives.

Acceptance dissolves bitterness.
Bitterness ends when I learn to accept life itself, when I learn to accept my present state of evolution even though it is far short of my ideals. Acceptance means that I can be glad for my memories, whatever they are like, whether they are happy ones or tearful ones. I accept that my present personality could only be formed under the impact of sorrow. I do not need to justify sorrow or to reject it ; it is just a feature of life, nothing more. A full acceptance has its base in narcissism, in the love of life.

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Copyright © 2002 Ian Heath
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